He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
