He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
