I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
