You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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