I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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