He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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