He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
