Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
