My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
