my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
