I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
