I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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