You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
