Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
