I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
