Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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