My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
