I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Sext me about skeletons
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
