You just made me feel so damn special
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
