this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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