i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
