Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
