Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The air was thick with penises
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
