Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Nicole vs. Life
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
