two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
