We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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