he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
