the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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