i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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