My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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