i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
