Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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