If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
