Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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