The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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