Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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