Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
