cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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