When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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