You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you will always have a special place in my vag
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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