he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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