I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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