A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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