you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
