my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Couch. On fire.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
