dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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