someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
