I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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