It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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