wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize
